


My Friend is a Piece of Shit; life lesson by Futakuchi Kenji

by futayaki



Series: The Hectic Life of a Law Student; Futakuchi Kenji. [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 09:11:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10568175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/futayaki/pseuds/futayaki
Summary: don't take their ice cream, hoe dont do it.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [business and pleasure](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4307361) by [Batman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batman/pseuds/Batman). 



> So I tried to make this sort of like a casual rant blogpost from Futakuchi's POV, it was fun to write I hope you find it entertaining!

  WHAT THE FUCK OK, THE SUN IS SHINING AS BRIGHT AS OIKAWAS ASS ON THE STRIPPING POLE LAST NIGHT AND BOTH OF THEM ARE JUST AS UNCOMFORTABLE, TRUST ME. OK SO LIKE dont get me w r o n g sometimes i do appreciate a good sunny day _and also a good oikawa ass_ but today is **definitely** not the day, especially when you wake up to a bad fucking hangover. the party was lit, yeah. drinking 20 shots of vodka was lit yea, but the aftermath? not so much.., hell it should be fucking illegal, what the fuck. at this point im just glad i didnt die from alcohol poisoning.

  so like i live in an apartment with **five** other dudes and apparently the only one sane enough to actually not attempt suicide-by-alcohol-poisoning was like kuroo (and ushijima probably). so kuroo, being the good and responsible human being that he is decided to order mcdonalds for breakfast and made us choke on painkillers. aND EVERYTHING WAS GOING FINE AND DANDY YA FEEL, WE WERE KINDA JUST CHILLING, AND IT FELT LIKE DEATH BUT HEY AT LEAST IF WE DIE, WE DIE TOGETHER.

  THEN I THOUGHT YOU KNOW WHAT HEY IM PRETTY SURE WE JUST BOUGHT ICE CREAM YESTERDAY "GUYS I THINK WE JUST BOUGHT ICE CREAM YESTERDAY" I EXCLAIMED, AND EVERYONE WAS EXCITED AND LIKE IM PRETTY SURE IF THEY WERE IN A CARTOON THEY'D BE SPORTING LIKE 5 EXCLAMATION MARKS BY NOW, MAKE IT 5 x **3** = 15. 15 FUCKING EXCLAMATION MARKS (not including mine btw, yes i could count).

  "oh, but futakuchi i thought there's **6** people in the house" you asked. well for one ushijima was out chilling at the cafe because apparently cows dont get hangovers, and bokuto..wELL BOKUTO FUCKING KOUTAROU. SO EVERYONE WAS EXCITED AND STUFF AND BOKUTO WAS LIKE "uhh..guys so like i kinda like let the lots have the ice cream last night" AND WITH THAT ENDS OUR FRIENDSHIP.

  FIRST OF ALL WHAT THE FU cK, THE REASON WHY WE HAVE ICE CREAM IN THE FIRST PLACE IS FOR SITUATIONS LIKE _**T H I S** _ WHERE LITERALLY EVERYONE IS IN THE VERGE OF DEATH AND LIKE ONE PERSON IS TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF HIS DYING FRIENDS AND THE OTHER JUST DONT GIVE A SHIT. AND BOKUTO KOUTAROU IS A FUCKING SWEETHEART I KNOW BUT WE ARE BROKE ASS COLLEGE STUDENTS WE DONT JUST GO AND GIVE ICE CREAM TO STRANGERS IN A PARTY??????? WHO DOES THAT??????? THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS _SMFH_.

  AND THEN LIKE BOKUTO STARTED MAKING PUPPY DOG EYES AND AT THAT I THOUGHT;  
WELL FUCK THATS IT IM GOING TO _**KERMIT SEWERSIDE**_ GOODBYE WORLD.  
BOKUTO KOUTAROU'S PUPPY DOG EYES CAN BRING ANYONE DOWN TO HIS KNEES AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I AM DONE WITH HIS SHIT, HE PULLS OUT THAT LOOK OUT OF HIS ASS AND I MEAN LIKE NOAH FENCE BUT THOSE LOOKS ARE ALSO PROBABLY THE REASON WHY AKAASHI KEIJI DATED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE;

"akaashi please" *puppy dog eyes*  
"bokuto-san **no**.................... _fuck_ "

  THAT'S IT YALL IM DONE WITH THIS SHIT ONCE IM OUT OF COLLEGE IM SUING BOKUTO 'hey lets give a whole tube of ice cream to a stranger in a party' KOUTAROU. A S D F G H J K L FUTAKUCHI KENJI, OUT. GOODBYE FOLKS.


End file.
